Shirtcocker Pantscannon:Adventurer

Shirtcocker Pantscannon was master of all he saw. He tamed the waves of the ocean in his ship The Minnie Pearl. He took on the gods in the sky in his hot air balloon, The Washerwoman's Skivvies (because the colorful silk of the balloon resembled nothing so much as the drying line of an adventurous harlot, who would never deign to do her own washing.) He'd taken on all the highways and byways of the land in his RV, Sal. Shirtcocker,or Cocky, as he's known to his friends and ladyfriends, was restless after spending too many weeks at home with his wife, instead of out doing his job: adventurer. He sat one day staring blankly at his wife as she went on about home improvements she wanted him to make on his respite. Suddenly he shook himself out of the stupor and slapped his knee, "Ms. Pantscannon, I know what needs improving around here, US!. I'm off to find the mythical pr0n st@r!"
With that he grabbed his dashing hat, walked out, and revved up Sal. Ms. Pantscannon listened as Sal roared all the way down the rutted road, shrugged, and poured herself a strong vodka tonic. Then she went down the the basement home office and read Harry Potter fanfiction for the rest of the night on the internet. God, how she loved the internet.