Saturday, November 29, 2008

Contradict me.

I’m in love with contradiction. Most people fight their internal and external contradictions, trying to make every single thing mesh into a linear world view.
Contradiction is a tricky bastard, sometimes masquerading as juxtaposition; combat boots paired with prom dresses, but I know better. I know that drinking Dom Perignon with McDonald’s Chicken nuggets doesn’t make you edgy or cool; it just makes you the kind of person who would waste good booze on bad food. But, Jamie didn’t get it, and the fact that he never would is the prime example of a contradiction, one of my very own. I should have hated him, but instead I fell in love. This is the story of the two loves of my life so far; contradiction and Jamie Seltz. Pay attention. This story is easy but it has some twists.
For one thing, I’m in love with Jamie, but I’ve never found him attractive. In fact, I’ve only ever been attracted to the fairer sex, my own gender. “But wait,” you cry, “isn’t physical attraction one of the main tenets of falling in love? Mustn’t you feel sparks fly every time your eyes meet across a crowded room? Isn’t the horizontal mamba, or at least a gentle kiss, the main way two or more people find out that they are attracted to one another?”
‘Yes,” I answer you but then hesitate…”and no.”

I met Jamie at the tender age of 13. I’d just started to figure out my attraction to girls, and he was already well out and proud, with PFLAG parents and grand plans for a gay straight alliance at our suburban junior high.